You are in a store with your child. They notice a treat you won’t buy for them. Suddenly, their anger erupts, and you’re once again the center of attention. Everyone in the store is looking at you. What’s the best response to this? Why do tantrums happen in children? Can you prevent them? These are just some of the questions parents face when dealing with a child’s anger issues.
A tantrum is a child’s expression of frustration due to limitations or anger because they can’t achieve something in their own way. Perhaps your child is struggling to complete a task, or lacks the words to express their feelings. This frustration can lead to an outburst – resulting in a tantrum. If your child is tired, hungry, feeling sick, or has to do something they think they can’t do or have, their frustration threshold is likely lower – making a tantrum more likely. One important thing to know: young children don’t plan to embarrass their parents. For most toddlers, tantrums are a way to express frustration. For older children, tantrums can be learned behavior. If you reward tantrums with something your child wants, the tantrums are likely to continue.
While there may not be a surefire way to prevent tantrums, there is much you can do to encourage good behavior, even in the youngest children.
- Be consistent. Establish a daily routine so your child knows what to expect. Stick to the routine as much as possible, including bedtime. A child can react strongly if they don’t have enough time to rest or quiet.
- Plan ahead. Run errands when your child is not hungry or tired. If you know you’ll be waiting in line with your child, bring a small toy or snack to keep them occupied.
- Allow your child to make appropriate choices. Avoid saying “no” to everything. To give your child a sense of control, let them choose between two shirts, for example, or which fruit they would like to eat, or what they want to play with.
- Praise good behavior. Give them extra attention when they behave well. Hug them and tell them how proud you are of them.
- Avoid situations that can trigger tantrums. If your child asks for toys every time you are in a store, avoid passing by toy shops. If your child has tantrums in a restaurant, go to places that offer quick service.
The best way to respond to anger:
The best way to respond to anger is usually to remain calm. If you respond loudly and start scolding your child, they might mimic your behavior. Yelling will only make things worse.
Instead, try to distract them. Making a funny face – it could help. If you told your child to do something against their will, insist that it be done, but offer help. If you told your child where they shouldn’t play, also tell them where they can play.
If your child hits or kicks someone or tries to run away into the street, stop the behavior by holding them until they calm down. Once your child calms down, calmly explain the rules of behavior.
As your child’s self-control improves, tantrums should become less frequent.
