Parents fear that their children might enter into a conflict, seeing it as inherently bad, but actually, that’s not always the case. Some conflicts can be good, especially those in which your child stands up for themselves. These situations can help the child develop, grow, and build their personality.
We are here as parents to help them and teach them that every conflict, whether it’s a quarrel with a peer, brother, or sister – should be resolved properly. We must help them find a balance between withdrawing into themselves or being too quarrelsome. This is not an easy job at all, but it is extremely important because in this way you help the child build themselves and prepare for all the challenges life has in store for them.
Peer disagreements are expected and even desirable. You know it, you have gone through them yourself. A child builds their personality and self-confidence through rivalry, whether through sports or positioning within a group of peers. Adults behave similarly, but we have learned what is socially desirable behavior, so we won’t hit a conversation partner as soon as we disagree with them. This is your task as parents. To teach the child how to stand up for themselves through conflict, without being aggressive, but instead using arguments calmly in conflicts.
How to Help a Child Learn from Conflict?
- First, tell them to calm down and breathe deeply so that you can discuss the situation that upset them with a clear mind.
- Then offer them options for resolving the conflict: if they have a problem with a provocateur at school, advise them to try to ignore the provocations. Explain to them that in this way, the child who is provoking them will not succeed in getting into a conflict. This can be a very painful experience, so be there for your child every day.
- Advise them always to seek help from someone older: primarily you, and then from a teacher, school principal, coach…
- If the problem is sharing a toy with a sibling, friend at kindergarten, offer them options here as well:
- They should find a way to play together;
- They should agree on who will play first and who will play second.
- Explain to them that there is a win-win combination for both parties and that they can reach it by listening to the other person and coming to a solution through conversation.
- Teach your child that they are not always right and that it is okay to say “sorry”.
- Teach them to say “no” when something does not suit them. You don’t want your child to be easily swayed.
A child’s temperament largely determines whether they will enter into a conflict over every little thing or not. Again, as parents, you are there to try to explain to them what to fight for and what to resolve peacefully.
You are aware that children are most rebellious during their teenage years. Experts therefore advise starting conversations with your children early.
If you do not teach them how to handle conflicts, the child may become alienated, and depression may also occur.
